Welcome to the South Easy
Most of the time when posting up videos I like to keep it all about the music. Honest. Today I’m more in the mood to talk about customer service. I mean, c’mon! Problem Child’s music’s fucking awesome, you don’t need me to tell you that. You’ve heard Confessions Of A Normal Human Being by now, right? If not, then…I dunno. Maybe you’re an old school conservative type or maybe you’re just clueless, in either case you’re missing out on the finest, most perfectly realised rap music to break out of the UK in 2014. For this remix of Fully Fledged they’ve enlisted an impressive array of emcee talent and, more heroically, got them all to film their own verses for a patchwork selfie promo blast. I’m sure this style of visual is going to look played out by the end of the year, right now it’s entertaining.
But enough about the music already. Let’s talk about the Problem Child t-shirt I requested for Christmas. Normally I ask Santa for a pile of books. This year, having decided that Amazon are evil and not knowing any alternative sources for the type of books I like, I decided to go down a different route. I asked for a t-shirt. Where I come from Santa doesn’t have much money for grown-ups so I could choose only one. After much deliberation I decided against a natty Music Of Life design from Suspect Packages and the ultra-hip ‘I’m A Grime Kid‘ print from No Hats No Hoods and opted instead for, as I’m sure you’ve guessed by this point, a slinky black number with the Problem Child logo ordered directly from their shop on Bandcamp.
I have it on good authority that Santa’s helper placed her order two, three or maybe even four weeks before the 25th December. When it hadn’t arrived with a week in hand she was starting to worry. I tried to re-assure her, “it’s fine, they’re probably just on a ketamine binge or halfway through a big bag of weed. They’re good guys at heart, they’ll send it on when they’ve sobered up in the middle of January.” Strangely this did nothing to calm her, perhaps because she’s not quite sure what ketamine is and hasn’t touched weed in over fifteen years. She still wasn’t impressed when the t-shirt (wrong size) arrived a little ahead of schedule on January 6th shortly after a vague excuse about Bandcamp losing a bunch of orders. Yeah, right.
This isn’t a complaint. I didn’t shiver to death on Christmas day for lack of a Problem Child t-shirt. I just figured the whole thing was an amusing illustration of the cultural gulf between the glorious fantasy world of UKHH and the grim reality of Santa, Amazon and corporate sanctioned best practices. Problem Child don’t fit in. How can I get mad at them for that? I’m going to wear my t-shirt with pride, even if it is three sizes too big.