Welcome to the South Easy
Dear England,
I’m sitting here in disbelief right now. I shudder to think how much money you guys are taking home collectively every week for supposedly being a group of the best players in the world, but yesterday evening, I saw you outrun, out-hussled, out played, and out shone by an Algerian team ranked 30th in the world. I didn’t see one moment of class out there on the pitch that suggested to me that you were deserving of 1/10th of that scrilla. It was unbelievable.
Wayne, I had high hopes for you this tournament. You can blame it on the pressure, but surely you’re used to that, playing for one of the best teams in the world. When we as a country throw so much money at you and the rest of the players, and hundreds, or even thousands of fans pay a large majority of the fraction of the money that they earn compared to you, to fly half way round the world to watch you play and cheer you on, do you not think that they reserve all rights to boo you when you perform as ineptly as that? Seeing you give away the ball time and time again harked back to a time when a certain someone clutching an umbrella on a cold Wembley night was standing disconsolate on the touchline. You want fans to support, you’ve got to do something in return.
Fabio, Joe Cole is one of the most gifted players in the squad. He’s got World Cup experience, and works his socks off. Why the f@#k are you not giving him what he deserves. I stood by you when you broke little Theo’s heart in favour of Sean “I-seriously-haven’t-got-a-clue-where-I’m-going-with-this-run” Wright Phillips, but now I am losing confidence in a big way.
Its gonna take something special to spare your our blushes now. See, I even almost said your, thats how much I want to distance myself from last night’s events.
Slovenia are ranked 25th in the world. We are 8th. I can’t take another game where it looks like those stats got accidentally swapped by Sepp Blatter for a laugh.
You have till Wednesday at 4:50pm to sort this mess out.
Yours sincerely